MammaDawg: A First of Many Lasts

I sat there. Staring at my laptop. Pages of unread email staring back at me, but for some reason... I couldn't seem to stay focused.

The executive desk in my office was a clutter of paperwork, receipts and leftover items from switching between handbags too many times. Oddly, the house was quiet... and when I woke up from my reverie, I asked aloud to no one, "What was I working on?"

I'd been so emotional the last few days... eyes tearing because of a heart wrenching news story, or my throat constricting with the announcement that someone from our team is getting laid off. The economic outlook for 2009 was not any better than 2008, and we're in our third round of re-doing budgets to reflect this.

"What is WRONG with me?" I wondered internally the last time I caught myself getting choked up. This is SO not me. I'm the one who doesn't cry. I'm the one that's emotionally detached. I'm the one with the dry eyes - the one who can't cry, even when she wants to. Not in public, at least.

So I'm doing an inventory. And first things first, no, I'm not pregnant. lol - no way. Maybe it's because Hubz and I are having a disagreement. One that's lasted for a few days already. About the age old problem many married couple go through:

Physical and Emotional Needs

What's ironic, is that Tyler at Building Camelot has a post up about this exact same thing.

And then... I realize that it's not any ONE thing that's bothering me. It's a couple.

Today, my youngest started pre-school.

"And...," you might ask?

I know, I know. It shouldn't be a big deal. I never tripped out when his older brothers started school! Okay - well, maybe when Einstein graduated from junior high... but still! Up until 3 years ago, I've always had my mom close by to help me with the kids. Even when I started working from home full-time, Mama was there to help with the kiddos.

Then we moved here. Where we knew, hardly anybody. No close friends or relatives - no one I could feel comfortable putting on the emergency contact card at school. And since I'm still working from home, I always have at least one of the kids with me. If I didn't, they were with their father, their grandmother (if she came up for a visit), or each other - if we got lucky enough to get a babysitter.

But at pre-school?

It's just him. Surrounded by people he's never met before, aside from his teacher. Away from me for soooooooo long. I was worried he might get scared, or lonely...

I should've known he'd be just fine when we he cheered out loud as soon as he caught sight of the school. Or when he showed off his homemade lunch to the whole family - proudly telling us all that it was HIS lunch, that it was HIS name on the brown bag with the smiley face.

But he's my baby, the last of the bunch. It may be just pre-school today... but I know this is just the first of many lasts...