Broken Toe and a Blow Job

Did you hear about the speakerphone incident? The one that ended with a mischievous 8 year-old, trying to play Mr. Innocent as he grins and asks me, "Mom? What's a penis?"

Bet you're glad you're not me today, huh? *raises eyebrows*

I sent Skinny Ass to the doc coz his left leg had been acting up. Plus, the dumbass stubbed his toe over the weekend and it took on the color of my hair from back in the day - all black and blue.

He calls me on the cell phone to give me the scoop as he's leaving the clinic. I'm in the car, which automatically puts all my calls on speakerphone (via uConnect), and I've just picked up the last of the 3 monsters.

Just so you have a clear picture of what's going on here... phone calls override the audio in the car, so we have a carload of eavesdroppers with nothing else going on to distract them.

Hubz and I fuck around on the phone a lot, he likes to answer his phone with, "De Ja Vu" and I'll answer mine with, "Hooters."

Except there was none of that this time, he was kind of holding his breath - and after a couple seconds of dead air, he let loose.

"Yep. Doctor says the fucking toe is broken. And he also said that I need to keep it bandaged up for the next 6 weeks, and that you need to put my penis in your mouth so that...,"

O_o

I didn't hear the rest of his rant. I was hollering, "Hey! HEY! We're in the car!" and my 15 y/o was trying to cut him off.

"Dad. Dad! DAD! YOU'RE ON SPEAKERPHONE!!"

He finally shut up long enough to hear me tell him, "Numbnuts wants to know what a penis is."

Yeah, muthafucka. YOU handle that one.

We all agreed that Einstein would answer the phone if ever Dad calls again while we're in the car, just so he'd know upfront he had an audience. I seriously think Einstein got the worst of it, though... What teenager wants to listen to his parents talking about sex?

I'm just glad I didn't hear, "Why did the doctor say that Dad needs to put his penis in your mouth?"

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A Waltz with Gil at the Vampire Ball

Game plan for the ball changed a bit, compared to the Twilight After-Party in Los Angeles, and the 1st Vampire Ball in San Francisco...

All the attendees got hugs in SF. In LA, the celebrities made rounds to all the tables for some chit-chat with the attendees.

And in Phoenix?

How about an encore from Mike Welch to open up the evening? And a special performance from Alex Meraz and his Capoeira Dance Troup?







This was absolutely... stunning. And I'm not talking just about the eye-candy. The talent, the strength, the TRUST... I've been scouring the net looking for a video, but who knew we were in for such a special treat?

Speaking of... we got a nice surprise when Kiowa Gordon dropped by the party unexpectedly. VERY cool.

Hmnnn... can you imagine dancing side by side with one of the Twilight celebrities? How about Chaske Spencer, Christian Cerratos and Kiowa Gordon?

Check out this vid from New Moon Movie:




And where was I while this vid was taking place?

Right outside, with the rest of the gang - waiting for their cue to join in. I can't remember who went first - Mike? Then Justin?

But I do remember Gil Birmingham being last. He was flirting with me again, which made me laugh - and I poked him in the chest and said, "You need to quit. For reals."

Except Val pulled me aside, without one word, one look.

Aw shit.

You know I had to dig at Gil, "You're not allowed to talk to me anymore. You're getting me in trouble."

Which, of course, led into an impromptu dance in the hallway.

He'd follow me to ask what happened, and I'd sidestep him. And we'd do it all over again - I think we busted the most awkward Waltz ever like that - lol. But this ain't much compared to the exchange Gil had with Curves in the Road...

Maybe you'll be wearing some polka dots for Gil when you see him. *wink*

Afterwards, I never got a chance to change outta work clothes - but I partied with the girls anyway. Why the hell didn't I bring my camera down?? I took so many pics with other people, but didn't have one for my own.

But I scored a copy of this one from @stephaniequin:

Amanda, Odette and Stephanie

And my tweeples... The Phoenix Twi-Tour Twitter Coven:

Chauntelle, Michael, Odette and Karen


UP NEXT: Sunday, the last day of the con.

*** Photo Credits: Special thanks to Chauntelle Chandler and Twi-tterpatted for sharing pics!! ***

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Just Say No to MaryJane

Damn... Did I really write all that?

I mean, I know I wrote it... just trippin' that I actually posted it. My head was in a whole different place then... [Pause] And you didn't give up on me, did you? You're still here... even after all my drama.

I freakin' LOVE you guys.

Did I tell you, that when I was in Phoenix, I was talking to some ladies behind me at Starbucks, when one of 'em busted, "I google stalk you, you know..."

Whoa. O_o Wha-?

Turns out she googled something about the convention, and my blog was the first link to pop up. Tripped me out. It was kinda neat - and maybe a little nervewracking - to meet someone who recognized me as "MammaDawg."

lol - I had a great time chatting with them - gawd help me - I can't remember their names, though, damnit. I met soooo many people at the convention - we were gonna hook up on Twitter or TwiFans or TwilightMOMS afterwards, you know? Except...

Yeah - it's all that damn weed I used to smoke.

*snort* And you think I'm kidding, don'tcha? ;)

Anyhoo - I'm back. I think I just needed a break... There's still a few things I need to figure out, but fuck it. I'm not gonna let it keep me from doing what I wanna do. God love all my tweeples for help keeping me sane - you know who you are. *mwah!*

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Shattered Walls

e done did it to me again.

It doesn't matter how high my guard is up. Or how thick the walls are. That big ass tat on my back? There's a reason why I have the ghetto version of "smile now, cry later" inked forever onto my skin.

And too many of them to list as to why I don't cry very easy. Especially not in public. But for some reason... whenever I enter this house...

Not immediately, but gradually... a gentle, subtle warmth starts to wrap around me after I've settled in. Like a "welcome home" greeting - regardless if I had just visited last week or last month. There's never a guilt-trip, never "Why haven't you come to see me?" or "I wish you'd come around more often."

The river doesn't flow during every visit... but today...? Today he heard me. Saw me. Understood me.

Took me right back to that first night in Phoenix, when I asked myself, "What the FUCK am I doing here? Away from my family? I don't need this shit."

He put his hand on my shoulder, empathized with me about the stupid riff I had going on with Hubz that morning. Hugged me in comfort as I thought about the last three days...

Finding out my great-aunt had had a massive stroke, and was fighting to stay with us every minute in the ICU.

Funny. I don't call her my great-aunt. I call her "Grandma." It's the Filipino way. Never mind that I only met my mother's mother once - when I was still in grade school. Her and my Grandpa were visiting from the Philippines.. and ovarian cancer claimed her before I got a chance to see her again.

I met my father's mother twice before she passed on. Last time was when I was in 6th grade. So... come to think of it, she may not technically be my "Grandma," but my great-aunt is the closest thing I've got to one.

And now she's officially half brain-dead. Had a successful surgery to release some of the swelling in her brain, but hasn't opened her eyes since last Thursday. But she's still fighting...

And He knows all this. He knows what's in my heart, probably even better than I do. And knowing that He's there, knowing that someone truly GETS what's going on with me...

Sometimes it's just the lightest touch, the offer of comfort and love - and that's it. The dam's broke, leaving me shuddering silently and shaking with sobs. No one may have seen his hand reach out to me... but that doesn't mean I didn't feel it.

It doesn't matter that there are people all around me. Sitting in front of or behind me... nobody takes leave because they're doing the same thing:

Praying for love, patience, guidance, strength.



I've been a bit MIA... trying to get my shit together. Effectively not talking to Hubz, who doesn't seem to want to discuss the stupid shit that we seem to do, that drives the other crazy. Spending time with my mom, who's here visiting on account of Grandma.

I'll be back... hope to see you on the other side of this shiznit.

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