Broken Toe and a Blow Job

Did you hear about the speakerphone incident? The one that ended with a mischievous 8 year-old, trying to play Mr. Innocent as he grins and asks me, "Mom? What's a penis?"

Bet you're glad you're not me today, huh? *raises eyebrows*

I sent Skinny Ass to the doc coz his left leg had been acting up. Plus, the dumbass stubbed his toe over the weekend and it took on the color of my hair from back in the day - all black and blue.

He calls me on the cell phone to give me the scoop as he's leaving the clinic. I'm in the car, which automatically puts all my calls on speakerphone (via uConnect), and I've just picked up the last of the 3 monsters.

Just so you have a clear picture of what's going on here... phone calls override the audio in the car, so we have a carload of eavesdroppers with nothing else going on to distract them.

Hubz and I fuck around on the phone a lot, he likes to answer his phone with, "De Ja Vu" and I'll answer mine with, "Hooters."

Except there was none of that this time, he was kind of holding his breath - and after a couple seconds of dead air, he let loose.

"Yep. Doctor says the fucking toe is broken. And he also said that I need to keep it bandaged up for the next 6 weeks, and that you need to put my penis in your mouth so that...,"

O_o

I didn't hear the rest of his rant. I was hollering, "Hey! HEY! We're in the car!" and my 15 y/o was trying to cut him off.

"Dad. Dad! DAD! YOU'RE ON SPEAKERPHONE!!"

He finally shut up long enough to hear me tell him, "Numbnuts wants to know what a penis is."

Yeah, muthafucka. YOU handle that one.

We all agreed that Einstein would answer the phone if ever Dad calls again while we're in the car, just so he'd know upfront he had an audience. I seriously think Einstein got the worst of it, though... What teenager wants to listen to his parents talking about sex?

I'm just glad I didn't hear, "Why did the doctor say that Dad needs to put his penis in your mouth?"