Ostracized (Part X)

MammaDawg at 12:01 AM

A Divided Spirit

(Continued from Part IX)

On the edge of a dream, I could hear the distant shrill coming from the kitchen. It took me a couple seconds to place where the ringing was coming from. I looked at the clock on my night stand; it wasn't quite 7am yet.

Who was calling my cell phone at THIS hour?

I didn't even roll out of bed. I figured if it was important, the house phone sitting next to me would ring next. It didn't.

But when I finally grabbed my cell half an hour later, on my way out to drop the kiddos off at school, I noticed it was my brother that had called. Hmnnn - I wonder...?

She had a scheduled C-section. Turns out she had a C-section with her first daughter 7 years ago, so they automatically scheduled her for one this time as well. But it was early - not too early - just a couple of weeks.

I called him back right away, found that she had been having some contractions so they were on their way to the hospital. The tone of his voice, was... distant. Detached. I'm quite sure it was for me, and not at all a reflection of his feelings about the coming arrival. He was calling because I specifically told him to call me when they left for the hospital. He was calling out of obligation.

I ignored this, and realized that I was letting myself get excited for him... and urged him to call me if she gets admitted.

"If I have time, I'll call you."

I laughed. "What do you mean, 'if you have time?" Still chuckling, I asked, "What else are you going to be doing besides sit around the hospital, and wait?"

I mean, c'mon now, what else do people do when they're waiting for their baby to be born? They pick up the phone, and they start calling everyone on the list.

I bet he had forgotten, that his wife had stated that since they're only allowed one person in the operating room when the baby is delivered, she had wanted her mother there with him. She would deny her husband the chance to witness the birth of their daughter, if she could.

For once, though, my brother actually put his foot down. No way, no how, was he going to miss this. MIL would have to wait outside. I knew part of him was, is, still in there... somewhere...

But by the time noon came around, he still hadn't called, so I placed a call to him. Surely, they would've either been admitted or sent home by now, I thought. No answer. No return call.

Mama and Papa were actually in the Philippines at the time. She got excited when I phoned her this morning and gave me the pin number to a calling card so that I could phone her when I got an update. Then - she went shopping for her new granddaughter.

Back here at home, it was late afternoon now, I'd already picked up the kids and we were all out and about, running errands before dinner. Then the phone rang.

She had arrived.

Congratulations and excitement spilled out of me as he told me the news. He said that she looks just like him. Hmnnnn... is that his way of answering our initial doubts?

So when I phoned my mom, she was surprised he hadn't called her himself. She actually called him directly, several times during the day, in fact. But he never answered, and never returned the messages she left. She also left him the pin number to another calling card so that he could call her as soon as the baby was born.

But we didn't figure out until later, what he already had planned for this day. What he had been planning, for some time...

It was strange, out of context, considering that his actions before this day gave no clue to what his intentions were. But it made us realize that it was all a front. He was pretending everything was fine because he was waiting for this day. Waiting for the day that he could cut off his mother from his daughter.

It took hours just for him to call me - she was born mid-day, not too long after I had called to follow up. I didn't let it get to me. But I did have some questions... So a couple of days later, after they were home, after everything started to settle down a bit, I asked him.

"Why didn't you call Mama when you daughter was born?"

He beat around the bush a bit, gave me some petty excuses. But I wasn't going to let him off that easy. I pushed. And pushed some more. And when he still didn't give me an answer, I asked him who he DID call that day.

Well. He called a number of his his in-laws. And me.

I took this in. That I was the only one on our side that he called. I took in the manner of his tone when he talked to me that day, both times. I took in the fact that he called me for obligatory reasons, and mostly because he knew I'd give him hell for not calling.

And then I asked, "But even after she gave you the calling card pin, why didn't you call then?"

I think after my jabbering, this is what put him over.

"You know why, Sis? You wanna know WHY I didn't call her? Because if she doesn't even believe in the paternity of this child, why should I even bother? If she can accept the miracle of her brain surgery, why can't she accept the miracle of this child? No. I was NOT going to call her. "

Man, he was reaching. If Mama's aneurysm was inoperable - then okay. He might have a point. But it wasn't inoperable. Nobody said it couldn't be done. Nobody said there wouldn't be any risks. We all knew what was in store.

But somebody DID say he couldn't father a child. More than one somebody. These are two very different cases. But even so, it was what he was holding on to. He must've been really upset that the question was brought up.

And even though I reminded him, that I had the same doubts, the same concerns - he was unwavered.

"There's just too much drama when it comes to Mom," he began. "I don't need that around my family. If she wants to see the baby, then she's welcome to visit us at the church like everyone else."

WTF?!

Outraged, I had to control my voice as I answered back. "Do you hear yourself? Do you hear what you're saying? That your own mother - isn't allowed in your home? That if she wants to see your baby, she'll have to seek you out at your church?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

I couldn't hold back any longer. Unconsciously, the kid gloves slipped off, and the strangest thing happened to me... A calm wave washed over me, and while I heard the edge in my voice as I spoke, it was as if I were listening in as an outsider, instead of a participant in this heated discussion.

And then... I went off.

*~*~*~*

This Thanksgiving will be a little different from years past... but I know in my heart that this is the Lord's will... and I continue to be thankful for all of our blessings...

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!!

A DIVIDED SPIRIT ~ The Series
-A Divided Spirit is Born
-Part I: The Overdue Confrontation
-Part II: The Ace Up His Sleeves
-Part III: Still Lost
-Part IV: “If You’re Too Nice, They’ll Walk All Over You”
-Part V: To Call, or Not To Call
-Part VI: The First Betrayal
-Part VII: True Colors
-Part VIII: Skipping Christmas
-Part IX: Bargaining Chip