To Call... or Not To Call? (Part V)

MammaDawg at 10:17 PM

A Divided Spirit, Part V

My brother's birthday is coming up this weekend. He's turning 32 on Sunday the 19th.

THIRTY-TWO. Not 22. *sigh*

But if you've been following along with "A Divided Spirit," you probably can already see that he still has a lot of growing to do.

I've barely scratched the surface - and I've SO much more to catch you up on... but I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I haven't made a decision on this yet... and I wanted to ask... what you'd do.

But just in case you're not caught up on the series - let's do a quick summary to bring us all on the same page:

Since my brother met his wife, he's treated the rest of us (his family)... differently. Bends over backwards for the in-laws, but skips Christmas with us - even if it's our year. I've had kid gloves on for the past 3 years, but finally took them off a few months ago. The last time we REALLY talked - it was a blow out. A big-ass fight. Huge. Later, when we went to visit in San Diego, where he lives, he'd decided they didn't have time to see us. But he drove up to LA at the last minute to see his in-laws. And we haven't spoken since.

He refused to call my parents when his daughter was born (more on this later), and didn't call my mom on her birthday (in April) or on Mother's Day. Thanksgiving and Christmas are, um, a whole other post.

My dad's birthday just passed in September... no call. But my hubby's birthday just passed last Friday - and my bro sent him a text message with birthday wishes.

WTF?!

I have a theory on that one, but it's not very nice - so I'll have to shut up for a minute.

So back to my lil' dilemma... I can't decide if I want to acknowledge his birthday or not. Or should.

The way he is with us... he carries on like he doesn't need or want us in his life. He lets his wife talk SHIT to his own mother, in a tone demeaning to the family pet. Even my own husband, the gruffy smartass that he is, is bewildered to believe that anyone could talk to their MIL like that.

My brother will NOT talk to us if his wife is around - and will only sneak in a call if he's away at work. He doesn't care about what he's doing to our mother. And to top it off, he doesn't care that he broke my boys' hearts when he refused to see us.

Honestly? Part of me wants to give him what he wants. Okay - you don't care about us? You don't want anything to do with us? Fine.

Hubz says he'll come around when he needs something. "Like what," I asked. "Money?" [Snort.]

That part of me wants to just give in and let him live his life without us in it. See what it's really like - instead of us wanting to unite our families, and spoiling him like we used to do.

Coz if someone doesn't want to have anything to do with me? I'm fine with that, too. I have enough shit in my life to deal with than to try and win someone over who could give a rat's ass.

*sigh*

And then... another part of me wants to rise above... take a step towards him and show him that no matter how ignorant he's become, he's still my brother and we still love him.

Problem is? I think he still needs some space. I have a feeling, that if I reach out to him, he'll laugh to himself, the idea that he's got us wrapped around his little finger, thinking to himself, "See - they love me too much. They can't live without me."

Au contraire, dear brother. I just would rather not.

Besides, I've given him diplomatic. Civil. Polite. Generous. Friendly. Forgiving. And in my face he said it's all bullshit. He doesn't want diplomacy. At least... his wife doesn't want diplomacy.

So... back to my question... I figure my options are:

1. Ignore his birthday altogether, like he did for my parents
2. Send a card from the boys - just the boys
3. Send a text message

Calling is out of the question. Not gonna happen.

To tell you the truth... part of me has worked most of this out while writing this post... But then I start overanalyzing again and get myself confused - again.

So tell me... are you caught up on the series? And if you were in my position, what would you do?