Still Lost (Part III)

MammaDawg at 11:51 PM

A Divided Spirit, Part III

(Continued from Part II)

In our adulthood, before all of this flared up in our faces, I longed to have a closer relationship with my brother. I’d try to invite him out for lunch, or dinner – invite him to the house to see his nephews…

If we needed help, moving or anything, he’d always be there. I knew I could count on him. And when he needed help, he knew he could count on me.

Maybe he needed help figuring out a problem in the dynamics with the team he supervised. Or he needed help buying a laptop, or a kitchen table in his first apartment. Our mom (Mama) was always looking for ways to “give” my brother money without making it seem like a handout. She’d find some odd job around the house and pay him for his work.

Maybe it was helping in the backyard, touching up the baseboards… anything she could think of. And when he decided he wasn’t going to watch television anymore, he asked Mama if he could trade her washer and dryer for his big screen TV.

“Why not?” she asked herself. And I’m sure she wasn’t out to buy new appliances, especially with my parents living on a single income budget. But… there wasn’t much she could deny him.

Not even when he was a teen, and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Not when he’d gotten busted for GTA, more than once. And not when they got sued because he somehow got tied to a gang-related homicide. No – he didn’t pull the trigger… but a thin line made its way back to him.

My parents ended up having to file for bankruptcy… it took years for them to rebuild their credit, their life… with one son in juvie and a hellion in the house for a daughter.

I was no princess.

I had my own issues… but today’s not about me… it’s about my lost brother.

You could judge my parents and say they weren’t doing their job… but I know they were doing the best they knew how.

And eventually… my brother got out of juvenile hall. But he wasn’t done yet. He became a tweaker – crystal methamphetamine?

Little did I know that my first husband and my little bro were getting high together. Man – I can’t believe how naïve I was back then…

But something clicked, finally. He went back to school and got his GED, joined the Navy and started to really make something of himself… It was one ceremony after another – Sailor of the Quarter, Sailor of the Year, Naval Achievement Medals and more. I should know; I was the one who helped him write up his resume.

“Man, Sis – it’s amazing that you have the free time to help me with this.”

How do I explain that I actually didn’t have the last 3 hours free, that I put everything on hold, my kids on hold, so that I could help him in a moment’s notice?

I didn’t. I just smiled, slightly exasperated, into the phone.

Soon, he found a church. A new way of life. A new way of living, believing.

It was a bit… extreme to me… (to say the least) and we were all concerned… but it got him out of the streets and drug-free. Shoot - who am I kidding? Drug free, alchohol free, television free... he was a completely different person.

I told myself that I liked this more than the other. Better to have him praising Jesus and singing Hallelujah instead of jacking cars and tweaking out.

My brother is who he is. He’s extreme. He doesn’t do middle-ground. He dives in – all or nothing.

Which is precisely what he’s chosen in his family life. All of the new… none of the old. He's been searching and searching, and while he has found Jesus, I don't think he's found himself yet.

Technorati Tags: divided, spirit, family, drama, brother, sister, mother, sister-in-law, relationships

A DIVIDED SPIRIT ~ The Series
-A Divided Spirit is Born
-The Overdue Confrontation (Part I)
-The Ace Up His Sleeves (Part II)